Musings...

People keep talking about living extraordinary, about breaking rules and following dreams, about having a life that is far from perfect but you would not change any bit of it even given the chance. After all, what is life without a bit of adventures, a bit of ups and downs? Inspiring words, indeed. But at the same time, it makes my life seem too plain in comparison for it is too faultless that there is hardly anything worth noticing. I have always been a good girl, living a good life. I rarely disobey my parents. My grades at school are never disappointing. I am blessed with almost everything I need in life. I went to a good school, selected to be in a top class, graduated with a score envied by many, was awarded a scholarship to study in Singapore and continued to do well enough to do every one else proud. Everyone except for myself. It is not that I am not proud of what I have achieved, but the feeling that something is lacking in this seemingly perfect life keeps growing more intense each day. The desire to stray from the perfectly straight path just to see where it may lead to is always lurking at the back of my head.

Well, you may accuse me of being silly, not knowing to be thankful for how fortunate I am to be leading such a life. But don’t they say that you fall so that you can learn? If that is true then have I truly learnt anything in my whole life when I have never actually stumbled? Ten, twenty years from now when I look back at my life now, there will be no “shoulda, coulda”, no mistakes to learn from. It will just be a story with no climax that no one wants to hear. When will I stop being a pampered child living in a shell, protected from all dangers, looking at the world through a pair of rose-tinted spectacles?

I am approaching my 20’s. On my way to become an adult. Time is running out, my youth running away. I will soon be considered too old for the sort of crazy, impulsive things only young people can do. But where is that one exciting, mind-blowing adventure I have been waiting for? Will it ever come at all? Or is this all my life is going to be?

My life in ten years

 
I often wonder how my life will be in ten or twenty years. What job will I be taking? Will I have married? Will I be able to lead the "perfect life" I have always dreamt of?

When I was little, my idea of a perfect life always involved success and wealth. A glamorous life in a big city, a well paid job, a top position in the social hierarchy.

Lately, though, that idea has somehow lost its appeal to me. Instead, I have found myself dreaming of, longing for a life so drastically different from anything I ever imagined, one that months ago I would have ridiculed for how dull it seemed.


A life in the countryside.

Intruder of my own memories

Childhood is, to me at least, the most special time in a person’s life. Childhood is the innocence we once possessed but lost somewhere along the road as we grew older. Childhood is being carefree, being loved unconditionally, and being as unreasonably demanding as we could without anyone having the heart to refuse. Childhood is when we had the most beautiful memories of our lives.

With such sentiments attached to it, childhood always has the power to evoke overwhelming feelings from me every time it crosses my mind. This evening was one of those instances.